We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
