i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
