Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
is wine microwaveable?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
