the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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