Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
