i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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