Now he's lighting his socks on fire
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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