1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
