Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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