I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I wear drunk well.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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