I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
