How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
