Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
