I murdered the dance floor call the cops
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
