dude i'm inner monologue high
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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