What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
