she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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