Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
