four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm bleeding and have questions
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
