I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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