I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
