You just made me feel so damn special
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
