Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
