my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
