FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
