I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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