So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm at about main and main street
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
PANTIES FOUND
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