Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
