Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
