just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
one might say we're banned from that church
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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