never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
