I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
