The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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