just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i out mim tonsoeep
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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