Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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