Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
