Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
