stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
