update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Drunk is a universal language darling
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
