piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
