need another drink. this is the easiest way
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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