i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Buhtt sex?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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