lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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