I heard we made out
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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