if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
