I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
