He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
