There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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