OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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