u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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