I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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