You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
